Let’s first agree that we all have opinions – okay? Good! And we’re all free to air them out – great? Then we are on the same page. I don’t know who you are, not to have views that differ from the rest of the community, but I do. And some of my Unpopular Opinions are on such controversial topics that even scare my mind to bring them to light, but here we go.
1. A genius is not born but educated & trained.
“All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time.”James Clear
Chapter 9 of the book Atomic Habits expounds on how your Family and Friends contribute to shaping your habits. There’s a story on Laszlo Polgar (the Hungarian chess teacher and educational psychologist). The famous man was a firm believer in hard work he had less to think about inmate talent. He claimed that with deliberate practice and development of good habits, a child could become a genius in any field! His Mantra was “A genius is not born but educated & trained.” Laszlo is described to have believed this, for a very long time; he then decided to act on his research and belief on his own.
Laszlo got married and had three children. All the children were Homeschooled. Laszlo’s house was filled with books, books on chess products, games, everything there was to learn on Chess. All his three daughters “The Famous Polgar Sisters” Zsuzsa, Zsófia, and Judit, were raised to become Chess Prodigies. With Judit and Zsuzsa becoming the best and second-best female chess players in the world, respectively. Judit is widely considered to be the greatest female chess player ever as she is the only woman to have been ranked in the top 10 worldwide, while Susan became the Women’s World Chess Champion.
They were not born with any chess talent, it can’t be proven, but they were all taught into it. Their home expressed Chess; their books expressed Chess; their family expressed chess.
This didn’t stop with Laszlo’s research; it’s still happening to present; YOU ARE A GENIOUS WHEN EDUCATED AND TRAINED. Just choose something your passionate about, become insanely deep about it in everything you do and find yourself transformed into a genius in your field.
2. Everyone is busy living their lives; no one cares about yours!
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”Brené Brown
ITV News (a famous news outlet in Tanzania), always has a point where the news stops for – short breaks – and there are advertisements, some that I remember include, “Jambo ni lotion yako….”
See, that’s how you are in people’s lives – A short break advertisement.
Everyone is in their world concerned with
- how they look today,
- where they’re getting the next meal,
- what happens in the afternoon,
- who in their lives deserves some love and they should check up on,
- how their Mother is doing,
- how there’s too much salt in the food,
- how tomorrow will be a day of its own,
- too many emails,
- sweating while one forgot to put deodorant in the morning,
- how the boyfriend has a dirty and cracked phone screen,
- how there’s a pile of clothes to wash in the evening.
So many things are happening in one’s life; your life happens in their day/in their feed like Commercial Advertisements. It’s not that serious like how you put it in your mind.
Start getting over the voices in your head,
- Did they notice I wore the same trousers in this photo like the other photo I took last week?
- Has my coworker figured out that I have changed perfumes?
- Why didn’t she comment on my tweet yesterday?
- Did they notice I currently don’t tweet like I used to?
NO, No, no one noticed. Don’t be out here afraid of who and what they’ll think while they don’t.
3. Marriage Ceremonies are overrated!
Again, to make matters correct,
“Marriage – a legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship.“
“Marriage Ceremony – a ceremony during which two people are married.”
I am referring to Marriage Ceremonies here, not the Marriage itself.
I am surrounded by married couples in my life. And to present, I haven’t met one who tells me this whole shenanigan is not overrated. Again, don’t get me wrong, they’ll ask one and times again, “Yako lini?”, “Unaolewa lini?” or the famous “Utaacha lini kuwa Bridesmaids?”. But heart-to-heart conversations with people, really reveal how these ceremonies are overrated.
I believe Marriage starts after the recognized union. I think that in high chances the Ceremony doesn’t assist, improve or bring happiness to the Married couples. Instead, one can have a ceremony they can afford, 50 people by the beach? Fifty people celebrating in Paris? You know something you can really enjoy.
PS;/ I really hope the Love of my life and I will do something we can afford, but until then someone, please don’t share this post to my Mom aka An African Mother.
4. Don’t trash talk your friends (or people who were once your friends)!
High chances I learned this one after I had already done it. I have one stand, once you’re my friend, your always my friend. First, you know so many things that I can’t risk them getting out there. Think about it like this, “you were once in a place that allowed you to make a conscious decision to be their friend and hence, they too, took part into who you are today -simple” Allow the decision to define you not deter you.
See for me, I know how friendships come and go (maybe), but when they go, those people still stay at the same place in my mind.
Please don’t go around trash-talking people that were once your friends, while the friendship was deep and you saw something in them, you trusted them, they looked good to you. Now that you guys have gone through rough patches, it doesn’t give you any chance to tarnish their image, or go through their things, things that they talked to you in utterly brutal honesty, under the bus.
It explains more of your character when you do that than whoever you’re talking about.
So again, once a friend always a friend.
“Friends might lose touch but never lose feelings”Josh Stern
5. HAPPINESS >> MONEY (anytime)
“If you focus on the reward, you’ll never be happy. The fruit—the money, the fame, the whatever—will never be enough.”
Happiness is better than money.
Now, before you misquote anything that I say here, I looove MONEY. Lady here has different money streams, I work so hard for the money I earn, and I learn as well as do all ways you may think of, to make sure my cash multiplies and makes me live a better life.
But Nooooo, I don’t think money is everything.
See I have been through high and lows on cash. I have been through possible chances of sleeping without food for some nights, and I have also experienced the abundance of having enough money – well, to some extent. Money gives you options, and maybe or maybe not these options could provide you with happiness, but money doesn’t hold you from your happiness.
However, I know that the only people who have the authority to say these things are the ones with mansions, dream cars and peace of mind to sit on a car that costs $100,000 or maybe more. Yet, I am not ready to wait for all that time until I reach the top before I confess that for me, “Happiness is better than money”. I’m not about having Bill Gates money before I realize that this whole process was my happy place! I trust in choices, relationships, small tiny steps towards happiness, acts of kindness, good deeds! Yes, I want Bill Gates money, but that fact alone will NEVER determine my happiness!
For you reading this and thinking money is the only thing that can save all the troubles your facing now, I am not happy to tell you that it is not. It has never been, it will never be.
“What I’m trying to say is, as I get older, all the things I’ve done to make money have become less important in my life. I’m proud of the company. I’ve built it up from nothing and I’m sure as hell not going to stand by and watch it get eaten up. But when I’m sitting out on the patio on a Sunday afternoon and I start counting my blessings, it’s the people I love that come to my mind, not the company.” ― Susan Elizabeta Phillips
See that wasn’t so had to express some of my unpopular opinions, I know you also have your own, and I am eagerly waiting to listen to some of your unpopular opinions. Let’s talk about how your mind is controversial in the comments below.